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Para BIL getting ready to move in my house. Help!!

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    #46
    Yes, there are several steps outside.

    He SEEMS like his old self anyways. The fact that his kids played for hours while he was at the computer IS actually like his old self. He loves his kids and always has them come for visits but he doesn't really play with them alot. Everytime I would go downstairs they would always be watching movies or on the computer. (except now the kids are upstairs so they can bug me) He's not one to set up a board game or anything like that. He still tells everyone that he WILL walk again and he is keeping up the positive attitude that way. He is a very spiritual/religious person so that may have something to do with the positive attitude.

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      #47
      Also, he needs to MAN up and show his kids how to deal with setbacks. In this case, workout everyday, play with them, or read , or even if it's popcorn and a movie, be WITH them. God damn I HATE video games when they take adults away from responsibility, be it a job, kids, their health.
      Sorry for language, but this one subject is a sore spot. Get the hell outdoors, he could throw a ball with them, just 5 or 6 feet would do.

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        #48
        .....
        Last edited by orangejello; 27 Aug 2008, 5:32 AM.

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          #49
          Originally posted by abcboys
          He still tells everyone that he WILL walk again and he is keeping up the positive attitude that way. He is a very spiritual/religious person so that may have something to do with the positive attitude.
          Hi ABC, I'm glad you came here for help/support. I don't have any criticism or judgements for you. I think there's too much of that in the world already. I do want to caution you, however, about the BIL keeping a positive atttitude based solely on the hope of walking again. I'm one of those people who based my worth as "a good SCI survivor" on being able to walk again. It's been over a year since my injury and I can walk--if that's what you want to call it. You see, I can walk alright...like a toddler taking her first steps over and over again. No matter how hard I try, how much PT I do, how much I push myself, how much I exercise.....I can walk only very short distances, even with forearm crutches or a walker. Bottom line is, "walking" (if that's what you want to call what I can do) doesn't mean that a person is "cured" of SCI. Even for those who walk, there's often still lots of issues to deal with, i.e. bowel and bladder problems, nerve pain, fatigue, etc.

          I don't want to diminish the value of having such goals. My desire to walk brought me a very long way on the road to "recovery." Having my self-worth tied up in that ideal, however, has also caused a lot of problems with my self-esteem.

          ...just my thoughts.

          I hope you and your family come through this situation stronger and closer than you were before. Best of luck.
          "The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off." -Gloria Steinem

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            #50
            Originally posted by abcboys
            Yes, there are several steps outside.

            He SEEMS like his old self anyways. The fact that his kids played for hours while he was at the computer IS actually like his old self. He loves his kids and always has them come for visits but he doesn't really play with them alot. Everytime I would go downstairs they would always be watching movies or on the computer. (except now the kids are upstairs so they can bug me) He's not one to set up a board game or anything like that. He still tells everyone that he WILL walk again and he is keeping up the positive attitude that way. He is a very spiritual/religious person so that may have something to do with the positive attitude.
            Your BIL is making a big mistake not having gone to a VA from the hospital for rehab. The VA would never have sent him home with a big hospital type wheelchair. If he hasn't had any rehab he should not be home. If that is the case he is making a big, big mistake. Your husband is not doing him any favors. Without rehab it will make a big difference in his life. Some one needs to get thru to him some how before it's to late. Your husband needs to read SCI Nurse KLD's previous post. She was right on the money about the VA. She knows what she is talking about. I feel your angst & sorry you & your family are going thru what is going on now. I was hoping he wouldn't come home from the hospital without going for some real good rehab in a place that is a real good one. I wish I lived near you I would try talking to my fellow Veteran & try to make him realize that it is so, so important to get some real good rehab before it's to late. Please give him my best for me & tell him I salute him for serving & I thank him for his sacrifice. If you would like to contact me off the site please PM me or send me an e-mail thru this site.

            Please take care of yourself also as your family needs your undivided attention.

            Take Care!

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              #51
              ABC,

              I didn't mean to come down on you hard. It's a touchy subject for me because I had no help and we lost everything because of it.. Our house, biz, and car. I even had to up root my whole family and move to another state just to get help. I personally think the emotional aspect is more difficult than the physical. As for the kids he needs to let them know that they need to listen to you. And if you can get them to follow the routine you have for your kids it should get easier. If it doesn't then tell him that they can't come over for awhile until you can get a routine with him started. If he was never active with his kids before this then it'll be hard for him to start now. Just hang in there. If you don't feel comfortable talking to him about the kids or other thing then have your husband to. But he needs to know how you feel or he can't change it. Good Luck
              It is not how we fall that defines us..
              It is how we rise.

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                #52
                Shana, it's okay. I understand where you are coming from as you are coming from the other side and I know it would totally suck to be in your or BIL situation. But wouldn't you feel weird if it was just you and your 2 kids and you moved into your bil or sil's house and they already had 3 kids and they had to move one of the kids out of their room just to make room for you? Wouldn't you try to take your kids out and do stuff with them? Wouldn't you eventually want to find a place of your own? Again I'm not saying I don't want to help, I really do but I really don't want him living here forever and I know if he gets comfortable here that's what's going to happen. I just know we'll never get a lift put in the basement. We've been calling around for 3 weeks and can never get ahold of anyone that will help us. It would be different if it was a friend but things can get tricky with family because you want to help but at the same time you don't want to be sucked into doing this long term and you don't want to hurt anyones feelings.

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                  #53
                  ABC,

                  I do agree with you on him getting comfortable and not wanting to move forward. I have a brother like that and he's ab. My advise would be address the problem with the children first because this you can control. You will learn quick the wheels in the medical world turn slow. Expecially when it comes to housing, aids, supplies, and insurance. Has he applied for disability yet? Once he get's it, it should open some doors for you. I would try your local housing office. I live in a small town and since I'm disabled I would go to the top of the list. He might be able to do that. There may not be a handicap apartment available but you can still look at houses to. There's also groups that will come in and modify your house for him. Call your local HRS the people that help with food stamps they may be able to give you some numbers. Also his PT should know of some people. When I was a in PT at the hospital the has counslers that helped with that. It's a huge game of phone tag and sorry to say but people suck so you have to push. I've been playing this game for two years now and it hasen't gotten any easier. I'm always doing research on the net. e-mail me at iamabrokenangel@yahoo.com give me the info on where you live state, town. and i'll see what I can find out for you.
                  It is not how we fall that defines us..
                  It is how we rise.

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                    #54
                    Originally posted by abcboys
                    Shana, it's okay. I understand where you are coming from as you are coming from the other side and I know it would totally suck to be in your or BIL situation. But wouldn't you feel weird if it was just you and your 2 kids and you moved into your bil or sil's house and they already had 3 kids and they had to move one of the kids out of their room just to make room for you? Wouldn't you try to take your kids out and do stuff with them? Wouldn't you eventually want to find a place of your own? Again I'm not saying I don't want to help, I really do but I really don't want him living here forever and I know if he gets comfortable here that's what's going to happen. I just know we'll never get a lift put in the basement. We've been calling around for 3 weeks and can never get ahold of anyone that will help us. It would be different if it was a friend but things can get tricky with family because you want to help but at the same time you don't want to be sucked into doing this long term and you don't want to hurt anyones feelings.
                    Sorry I forgot to mention this in my previous reply's to you. Does your state have a Brain & Spinal Injury Program? It exists here in Florida & I have heard about the great things that they do helping to modify peoples homes. I know a fellow who is a para & the Brain & Spinal Cord program down here converted a garage on his parents house into an apartment for him & they also made him a nice roll in shower. The VA will also pay for home modifications. If a Veteran is service connected there is a large amount of money that can be used for home modifications but non-service connected is a lot lower amount but it's still better then nothing as every little bit helps. Some states even have a spinal cord registry that keep track of people with spinal cord injuries. What they are for I don't know.
                    Hope this info helps.
                    Bob

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