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advice for me and my caregiver wife

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    #16
    Fantastic!

    Marmalady -- didn't realize you could do that. GOOD JOB!

    martha

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      #17
      Hi TD, Have you tried finding a long handled bath brush to do your own back and butt? I think I got mine from:

      http://www.sammonspreston.com

      It's plastic and the curved end fits right on the grab bar near where my shower bench is. Those foam ended things rehabs give you are useless. Can't get the soap to foam and they don't really clean just smear soap around. They also mildew quickly. I think mine was arounf $15.00 but now I only need help with lower legs and feet and I'm a C5-7 incomplete and use a shower bench right now. Next time I'm getting a shower chair (eaiser for me to transfer to).
      Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."

      Disclaimer: Answers, suggestions, and/or comments do not constitute medical advice expressed or implied and are based solely on my experiences as a SCI patient. Please consult your attending physician for medical advise and treatment. In the event of a medical emergency please call 911.

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        #18
        Hi, Martha,

        Blush-blush! I also inadvertently deleted the entire post re 'weaning from my son's care'. I want to apologize to the starter of the thread, and any of the posters who had valid responses to the questions asked. I'm thinking of changing my name to 'computer dummy'!!!

        Martha, could you email me with your email address? I've got a question for you. Thanks!

        _____________
        Tough times don't last - tough people do.
        _____________

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          #19
          Sue Pendelton

          I have one but it is useless because I cannot wash myself effectively with it. There is probably a 4 to 6 square inch area on my back that I cannot reach and that curved sponge dohinky is too flimsy to wash the area effectively. I am sure there is SOMETHING out there that has an effective head on it but I like sharing my shower with my wife. [img]/forum/images/smilies/wink.gif[/img] [img]/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif[/img] Then there is the area on my hips that I cannot get at without risking sliding off the chair because it is so slippery from the soap.

          As my wife puts it, "We don't have sex anymore we do therapy". [img]/forum/images/smilies/confused.gif[/img] Due to several conditions I have to deal with, i.e., Hyperesthesia, Central Pain, AD, etc., SHEhas decided that she would not like to risk killing me. [img]/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] This does not mean we are not intimate it just means that "crackers" is not crisp any longer. [img]/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]/forum/images/smilies/cool.gif[/img] [img]/forum/images/smilies/wink.gif[/img]

          Oops!! Maybe I should be discussing this on the other forum.....

          "And so it begins."
          "And so it begins."

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            #20
            22 and a wife and caregivber to a quadriplegic

            My name is Fara and i am a wife and a full time caregiver to a quadriplegic.
            My husband has been injured for three years, he broke C5/C6 complete. I am a very lucky girl considering that my husband is in a manual chair and can cath, dress and do his own bowel program with the miracle enema THERAVAC. But lately i have felt my will grow tire and i find myself thinking about being and wanting to be someone else. I have tried all I can to be happy but i am not sure what else to do. I have asked hime to make my time special with him. YOu know, if he could take me out or surprise me with a planned out evening or a date, but he always is telling me about how hard it is for him to plan a night with our busy lives. We are both full time students. I just feel that in order for a quadriplegic male to keep his wife, he needs to reassure her that he is better for her than any able bodied person out there. He needs to do things differently than when he was able bodied. He needs to keep her wanting to stay with proving to her that he is doing what he can to make up for what he cant do, like buy her roses, write her poems, plan a surprise weekend, no matter how corny or childish, just to .. . I dont know I guess i am always asking for too much. But i really want this marriage to work, and at 22 I have no sex life, i live in miami but i cant go to the beach without feeling so guilty about not taking him wife me, its a little hard to push him around in the sand you know. I am a child but a wife, i married my husband after his injury, although we were dating when the injury happened. Lately all the bowel accidents and UTI have subsided and I thought i would be happy and content with all that i have and allthat my husband is able to accomplish as a quad. BUt i am miserable all the time, and i was wandering if there were any caregiver wives out ther that would just tell me what i can do to be happy. What can i do to stop feeling guilty about doing things that able bodied people do. How do i tell myself that just because my husband cant feel me i should still want to have sex with him? When i got married it was two years into the injury and i thought if i had love him thus far it must be true love, and I could not leave him because if it were me i would just die to be alone in his position. I was happy keeping myself reminded at what a wonderful thing i was doing and how much he loves me because of it all. But now i find myself feeling hopeless. Regardless of HOw nobel and rightous i am being the bottom line is my animal instincts desires a man who can feel me, and at the end of the night, after all is done in the day, my husbands ass hurts so much he has to sleep on his front. How do I learn to live with my new situation happily, i mean. I can put up a front, i can pretend and i can convince myself that all that matters is that he is alive and that i am in love. But every waking moment is painful, and every time we talk, and me and my husband communicate well, i feel that there is nothing to solve physically and all that i have mentally is not enough to keep my happy. I am hoping that he will be more romantic, maybe i hope that that would make a differnce. For example, on valentines day, i think that considering the fact that so much is taken away from us with SCI that days like this should be use to our advantage to remind us of how important the little things are. But my husband feels that cards, presents and things of this nature is meaningless. Well it is exactly little things like this that would keep me excited. But when valentines day comes along, i find myself dreading it, remembering just how, sex all night long would have made a great valentines day and now there is no card to open and we dont have sex either. Infact i found myself waiting in line at tony Romas, taking away dinner to have that night. I would have loved to come home to a house full of candles and a dinner. Maybe my sex drive would return if i felt that romance was still a part of our marriage. Am I asking for too much, or am i concentrating on stupid things that shouldnt matter. But maybe for other quadriplegics out there, try planning a weekend where your spouse does not have to do any thinking but follow you around. Have a dinner planned and a movie, i feel that if you are physically disable, that use your mind, thinking can be tiring. Do the thinking and the worrying for her. For example, just haveing my husband decide what to have for dinner, evn if i haveto cook it, takes the stress off thinking about what to make. Or having my husband fill the car with gas at a full service station, rather then waiting for me to ge in the car to an empty tank, is rewarding, and it means alot that he decided to do what he can do with the help of other instead of only mine. I have no problem with the bowel program or any of that because it just made us closer and poop and pee is nothing more than what you ate and drink. But i dont really know where iam going, But my effort towards this letter was to meet people in my situation, and i am hoping that i will her from someone soon. Please email me, just to talk fara9@hotmail.com

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              #21
              To Fara

              I suggest you start your own topic for this. You need words of encouragement and will find them here. The problem is most caregiver/wives will not look for your post in someone else's post. Please take heart and tell your story again.

              "And so it begins."
              "And so it begins."

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                #22
                I agree that this needs to be a seperate topic so you can get helpful answers from more people.The sex thing is strange to me.Being paralyzed you lose a lot of the physical things you used to do so sex shoulod be enjoyable to him.You have to do all the work,meaning posioning yourself so he can play with your hole body and he should see a urologist and get some viagra.Go to the beach for a couple of hours not the whole day,he needs to understand that us paralyzed people have lost out on a lot of things we used to do but you should not be penaqlized.He should appreciate you more ,marrying a quad and the life you have to live.He needs to get on this website and learn from the rest of us.Again,you need responses from more women so you should put your post on the relationship and sex forum

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                  #23
                  Fara, would you like me to move your post into a new topic? Wise.

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                    #24
                    Yes I would love to have this posted where it seems appropriate, sorry for innterrupting the wrong post forum

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