TBIs: personality, emotions, and the uneducated

[Outlier]

My first TBI was when I was 16 or 17 (at least the first I remember). Got jumped from behind and she slammed my for head into concrete about 7 times before I was able to respond. I can't even believe I was so quick to respond and fight back. Somehow I scared her a way and I went home to be yelled at for being late home. I find it strange in hindsight that my parents did not understand the seriousness. The next day, I woke up in my mind but was unable to move my body. It was a very scary experience that I would never get used to. I thought I must be in a coma and maybe I was but I would never know for sure. Eventually, very soon, I managed to move (hours). But there began the beginning of what would be called narcolepsy. Sleep paralysis was dominate, sleep attacks common, but cataplexy...not as described in text books at the time. Fast forward a couple years. Major car accident with fractures of the skull (Ram's horn) left, front face split open (klingon look), and the occipital. These experiences lead to me to Neuroscience. The years after major head traumas are strange. They change you in so many ways. Adapt and study. I got metabolic SCI in 2011 C5-T2, followed by many head traumas. One caused a subdural hematoma and one I knew I would be screwed (head trauma manifest over time, the real damage isn't seen for some time).

I don't care anymore. I have no value for my life. I am not who I was. And I'm really sick of the small shit that people actually complain about -- seriously? Don't include me in this convo because if that's it, you're doing well. Strangely, this was not me in the past -- feelings are relative to experience, etc. So who am I? And I don't even like myself anymore. It's like I'm done with this bullshit. And strangely, I know it is injury induced but it doesn't change how I feel.

Advice?

[Denied2016]

Can only wish you the best. CNS damage is horrendous. I know nothing of TBI so I can only relate from a paralyzed perspective. It has taken just about everything I loved. I'd trade 40 years of this for one or two years with my body back. Glad I lived how I did for 35 years. Hang in there, you're not alone

[sweethoneyed1299]

I also do not know how to do this life is too depressing.

[EricO]

I'd recommend you take one day at a time. Embrace yourself. Do more of the stuff that makes you happy and gradually focus on your continued recovery. If possible talk to a therapist. Cheers.

[JezeVete]

The you that is YOU hasn't changed. You just have a harder time thinking than you used to. Please be patient with yourself. Have the willpower that you can endure all this. You will get through this. Have you heard of horse therapy? I know someone who's able to make his condition better because of that.

[SCI-Nurse]

I would recommend a Brain injury specialist - usually is a Rehab doctor (Physiatrist) or a Neurologist - Whomever is the lead physician it would be good if that provider has a team of people like speech therapists, occupational therapists and psychologists - all to look at your injury from the individual assessments to the big picture. If unable to go the route I suggested I would recommend a savvy psychologist - even a neuropsychologist.

I wish you well - don't give up! There is help out there but you have to look

SCI-Nursepbr